Becoming a mum is such an amazing journey, your life is changed in an instance as soon as the cord is cut. But is the cord ever actually cut? The connection we have with our children is like no other, you feel their pain, happiness, sadness and love.
This connection that we have lays the foundation to the way we feel as mothers. We live in a world with so much technology, Phone APS, advice from the internet and social media. We must be a perfect mum, have everything together, plus manage a stressful career if you have to return to work.
The guilt we feel on a daily basis is endless and it starts the moment you see the blue line appear.
We feel guilty about:
Not enough rest
Not eating healthy enough
Gaining too much weight
Breastfeeding or bottle feeding
Not being able to get your fussy eater to eat
Going back to work
The list in endless and can completely consume you if you let yourself fall into the mum guilt trap.
There are so many lessons to learn as a mum and this is one of the biggest.
LEARN TO LET GO
Take the pressure off yourself, we are all first time mums at some point and we all have to learn the hard way. You don’t need to be the perfect mum, so please stop trying to be, you won’t get any medals, just more grey hairs and wrinkles.
CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
This is especially true when it comes to the lovely tantrums phase. The mum guilt at this point can be just awful, you feel bad because you look like you can’t control your child. The point is, you don’t need to control your child, they are just learning boundaries and their emotional response is so present and real. It may not be rational behaviour but that’s how you both teach each other to be calm and patient.
This can be with yourself, partner or other children, the mum guilt you feel in all of these areas is real. You probably feel like you are not able to have the quality time like you used to and that is hard on you. Try and schedule in even 30 of uninterrupted time where needed and you will all feel better.
HAVE A BREAK
Maybe it’s the leaking breasts, lack of sleep or constant crying that makes you feel so incredibly guilty, take a well deserved break. Your not super mum and please don’t try to be, we all need breaks even mums. Don’t feel guilty about having a break and recuperating.
Mum guilt can be very real for a lot of people, just see it for what it is, you needing a break from the chaos, quality time, not being perfect and by choosing your battles. By communicating with your partner and also to yourself you will be able to release a lot of the guilt.
It is such a special time in your life to waste on such a negative and unhelpful emotion, so please try and not fall into the mum guilt trap.
For more informative pregnancy, birth and baby articles, read our Maternity Mum blog.